In Regards To You
by Segmented Aura
Summary: "Why do you hate me?" A heart to heart. Of sorts.  -Now officially an ongoing HB!-
1. His

Why, hello there, all you fellow ffers! =) My name is Amy (AKA Amersaurus Rex), and over the years since I first watched Yu Yu Hakusho back in middle school I've attempted to write a decent fic about it, but this is the only one that's ever reached the light of the internet. It came to me yesterday, and so I spent all of last night typing, and then today at work when I had a free second I wrote, and finally finished it here at home just now. =D

Officially, I'm a Koenma x Botan shipper, but I still enjoy me some Hiei x Botan. X3 I used to be a fan of Kurama x Botan too, but now…I just don't really see it anymore. I mean, it's not like they have something between them really, they don't have any special interactions. I realized the same can be said of Hiei x Botan, but their encounters are more spirited and less we're-just-total-awesome-friends like I look at Kurama and Botan now. And of course, opposites attract makes it appealing. X3 But yeah Ko x Bo's my NUMBER ONE.

But I don't need to convince you people of the merits of HB! Otherwise you wouldn't even be here! =D I originally intended for this to be from Botan's perspective entirely, or at the very least a split, switched perspective, but literally right after I typed that first line Hiei kind of just took over…. XD Actually more of a friendship fic, but I see it as the start of them acknowledging each other at all. With personalities like theirs, they're not just gonna jump into that, right? Right? =D Soooooooo, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.

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><p>"Why do you hate me?"<p>

Her approach had been more than anticipated, her silent wait for acknowledgement easily noted and subsequently ignored; it was the soft question she finally asked when it became clear that he wasn't going to respond to her presence that actually caught him by surprise. Hiei opened his eyes.

She stood before him, kimono just the same obnoxious pink it always was, hair just as annoyingly bouncy as ever. But her stance, her expression, her very tone spoke towards a different demeanor than the ferry girl usually carried. Botan was watching him very carefully, a hint of apprehension peeking through that normally clear gaze. Her hands were clasped in front of her more tightly than was necessary, and her entire being seemed to shrink in a bit under his stare. He considered the inquiry.

The two of them hadn't seen each other in over a year, and it was only this gathering that had brought them together again. They were all here at Genkai's temple, the members of the Reikai Tantei and those close to the group, for what Hiei had been told was only to be a quick meeting to update each other on their own state of affairs. Apparently, 'quick' constituted a week and then some.

_That damn fox…_ The real reason behind everything, according to the kitsune, was of a more personal nature. They hadn't all been together like this since Yusuke had returned from the Makai, and now had proven to be an opportune time for everyone to reassemble and share some time. The sentimentality of it all irked Hiei to no end. The only thing keeping him here was the fact that Yukina had been so happy to see him again.

He didn't plan to make a habit of it, of course, but her smile at the sight of him made up for confining himself here for ten long days. Still, it was only the third and he was already tired of being so relentlessly trapped in their company – not that he made any more of an effort to socialize than he ever had. Truth be told, though, he didn't hate any of them.

Well. The buffoon was a possible exception with the way he leered after his sister.

It was something he would openly admit to no one, except perhaps Kurama on a good day. But that didn't mean he wanted to spend endless amounts of time with them. He checked in on Yukina regularly, of course, and met up with the fox from time to time, and for him that was plenty. He had no desire to change the way things were; if he wanted to see any one of the others, he simply _would_.

Including this girl. He eyed her a bit critically, but didn't change his expression. There was no denying that she was bothersome; she managed to get on his nerves in some way or another nearly every time they met. She talked too much. She talked too loudly and cheerfully. She talked about trivial things. She talked to him in particular, _insisted_ on it, no matter how many nonverbal – and occasionally not so nonverbal – signals he gave off that he wished she wouldn't. _She talked._ Essentially, the problem boiled down to just that. A quiet Botan was certainly tolerable, but it was as rare as it was preferred.

And yet she was being quiet now, waiting for an explanation, looking uncertain of herself but resolute nonetheless. This was probably the longest period of time he'd ever seen her remain silent.

He was tempted to list off, in quick succession, any number of reasons he could think up without trying and be done with it. Maybe then she would simply leave him alone. Choosing not to answer at all was also an option, with less hassle. Something in her eyes and her attitude, however, gave him pause in doing either. She was serious, and for whatever reason it troubled her.

_Too soft_, his thoughts criticized him as he turned to look out the window before finally offering his reply. Two abrupt words. "I don't."

He sensed her surprise before it manifested physically, immediately aware of her change in stance; she straightened up, clasped hands losing their grip, head cocking to the side. Her facial features probably displayed much of the same, knowing how open she was with her emotions. But he wasn't about to look. When she spoke, she sounded quite stunned. "You…don't?"

Such utter shock was actually a little insulting. If it wasn't for that dash of irritation, he probably would have disregarded the comment rather than snapping back a confirmation. "No. I don't."

Was it really so astonishing? Was she a fool? He didn't recall indicating any such thing. He treated her the same way he treated anyone else in their group, if perhaps with a little less patience when she was being especially annoying. None of the others were foolish enough to think that he _hated_ them.

"…why?" The surprise was still there, now colored with the beginnings of curiosity. She was losing some of the hesitancy she'd acquired since entering the room. From that single word he could pick up on the slow return of her typical light tone.

Even more irritated at having to clarify himself, Hiei spoke rather tersely. "Hating you would require pointless effort. A waste of my time and energy." It was true, but it was also a little bit untrue. Omission was key. It wasn't as if that was all there was to it. He didn't hate her, and he didn't quite dislike her either. He didn't dislike any of the people he'd come to associate with, despite how grating they could be. But delving into how he felt about them was too murky and undefined a subject, and it certainly wasn't one that he intended to explore with _her_.

He trusted them. Trusted them with his life, his safety – and begrudgingly with his secrets, for those who knew the identity of Yukina's brother. What he didn't trust them with were the inner workings of his mind – thoughts, feelings, history. Kurama was closer, but Kurama had always been closer. Been _allowed_ to be closer. Though Hiei suspected that even if he hadn't been as forthcoming, the clever, sometimes infuriating redhead would have slipped his way in anyways. Hiei was comfortable around him, the first person he'd ever been truly comfortable around. But even Kurama wasn't told everything.

Mukuro was different. In many ways, Mukuro had forcibly drawn the information from him, some of it taken without his prior knowledge or consent, and he occasionally shifted between rage and relief towards her actions. Rage was obvious; she had invaded his mind, learned things that _no one_ had the right to learn, become more involved with his stunted emotions than he'd ever planned for _any_one – and then had the gall to flaunt it about almost casually.

And then there was the relief. To have it all taken off of his chest when he never would have done it himself, to share a weight that he'd known was heavy but had never realized just how much until he'd given some of the burden to another…and that that person was someone who _understood_. Someone who, despite undergoing experiences different from his own, could share in his turmoil, felt many of the same things. He knew they lightened each other's loads in various ways; a slow but sure healing process.

Kurama and Mukuro were unquestionably the closest people in his life, and without a doubt, Yukina was the most important. The former pair knew and accepted that they could never be expected to be placed above his sister – but for her, he had to uphold a carefully maintained distance. Slight or not, any risk that she might discover his relation to her was too much of a risk, so anything too involved was out of the question. She deserved better than his company, anyways.

Kurama disagreed. Mukuro was less clear on her feelings regarding the matter. Theirs were the only two opinions that had a chance of factoring into any of his decisions, but in this situation were guaranteed ineffective. Even so, Hiei still hadn't returned the necklace to his sister. He wasn't sure why he continued to wait, except for the uncomfortable conversation that it would entail.

In any case. He'd strayed from his original thought. In spite of the nearness he felt, the koorime was unable to come up with a label for the relationship he shared with either one. For the others, this left defining a connection even more difficult; it was all too complicated. So he did what he did with all difficult things: he ignored them. Haziness notwithstanding, he could still recognize a connection of varying degrees with the people in this temple. Sometimes he wasn't even against being in a room with them.

"Oh, I see…"

The incredibly belated response drew Hiei out of his musings, and he realized with no small degree of frustration towards himself that he'd almost forgotten he wasn't alone – and that she'd managed to inspire such intense thought. She sounded subdued once more. Inconspicuously, he shifted a glance her way, and found that her face matched her voice; her mouth was drawn into the smallest of frowns, eyebrows slightly drawn and eyes downcast, and he was aggravated all over again. What was wrong _now?_ He'd alleviated her apparent _fears_, let her know in no uncertain terms that he _didn't_ hate her, and she was _still_ upset?

His agitation wasn't hidden in his harsh demand. "What?"

This seemed to startle her; her gaze snapped back up to his far too quickly, and in her completely open eyes the koorime could see…disappointment. Hurt? He didn't understand, which only served to foul his mood further. But he didn't speak out, instead waiting impatiently for her reply and prodding her wordlessly along with something akin to a glare.

The first reaction she provided was unsatisfactory. A half-smile, not quite _fake_ but certainly lacking. She'd only just begun to hand him an excuse in a fair, but ultimately pitiful, approximation of her usual tediously bubbly self when he cut her off mid-word. His ruby eyes held no room for argument.

"I don't like being lied to." He hadn't imagined anything the stupid woman ever said or did would crawl under his skin so much, but this whole exchange was making him more ill-tempered than he'd been in a while. And it didn't show any signs of letting up.

She looked taken aback at his interruption, suddenly at a loss for words – _a first_, the fire demon thought humorlessly. Back when they'd first "met," if one could refer to it as such, it was glaringly obvious that she was afraid of him. The feeling had lasted for a time, even after they'd become teammates, but even then she'd made a point to speak with him, no matter how nervous she got. It appeared almost as if she'd taken it as a personal challenge.

Eventually, her tension had faded along with her fear, but all Hiei had really noticed at the time was how increasingly overbearing she became. The change in perception hadn't made much of a difference; he was, after all, used to being feared and hated. It was why her display of concern now was still so foreign. Did it really matter to her what he thought of her?

Apparently so, if the explanation she mustered after several minutes was to be believed.

"It's just…I suppose I thought that by now you might think more of me. After all this time, everything we've all been through together, I'd hoped your opinion of me would have improved, even a little bit."

Her speech, starting off uncharacteristically reserved as she had been previously, grew in speed and fervor as she went on. After a moment she joined him on the windowsill, still talking; Hiei stiffened slightly, but otherwise didn't move a muscle. Botan noticed. When had she become so astute?

"I mean, I try, I really do! I do my very best to make things better between us, but it doesn't work if you don't try as w- AH-HA!" Here she'd practically shrieked it at him about his movement, interrupting herself and waving a wild finger in his face – causing him to clench his jaw – a triumphant sort of smile spreading her mouth. "Like that! Right there! You see? You tensed up the _very second_ I sat beside you! _The second!_ It's always something! Why is that?"

Before he could get a word in edgewise she plunged forward, actually overriding the syllable he'd started to form; how _daring_ of her. Hiei was suddenly struck with the sneaking suspicion that she had planned out the small event from the very start. She hadn't gotten more watchful at all; she'd been _waiting_, keeping a strict eye out for the reaction she'd hoped to garner. He berated himself for playing so unwittingly into her hands and thereby proving her point.

Then again, why should it matter? He _did_ do those things around her, it was no secret; he'd absolutely never been subtle about it. Yet under her accusations, it somehow felt like it might matter after all. Hiei was distinctly uncomfortable beneath what seemed to be his conscience towards the situation, arising for reasons he couldn't quite fathom.

"Really, Hiei, we've known each other for _five years_, I expected our relationship to be stronger by now – yes, I know how hard it is for you to let people in, don't give me that look" – at the word "relationship" his eyebrows had ticked the smallest bit, and she had picked up on it; maybe her observational skills really _were_ improving – "– but _I'm_ the one you shut out the most, the _only_ one you _completely_ shut out, truly! Three days we've been here, and I don't think you've spoken one word to me until now!"

She'd gotten familiarly indignant now, actually pounding her fists into her lap like a spoiled child, but the koorime was still fixated on the offhanded comment she'd just made. _She knew_, she'd said. She knew how hard it was for him to let people in. She didn't simply assume that he was antisocial, that he disliked company at all times – not that both of those reasons weren't true quite often. But there was more to it than that. He didn't know what to make of her unexpected clarity on the subject. He didn't want to acknowledge it.

Thankfully, it didn't seem like he'd have to. "Hiei! Are you even listening to me?" The ferry girl released a long, loud, exasperated sigh when he didn't reply, though his eyes did refocus on her. She continued much more gently, folding her arms across her chest in a self-protective gesture and glancing briefly away. "Well, what it all comes down to is…really wishing I could change your mind about me. I do think of you as my friend, you know, even if you don't think the same. But I wish you would." She glanced back at him now, hesitantly passing him the baton, a full-bodied smile touching her lips but not the entirety of her eyes. _Unfortunately, almost back to her bothersome self,_ he thought vaguely, mind running through strained loops.

Useless. Feelings like that were useless.

That would have been his immediate response in years past, discarding any measure of emotionality or companionship for the sake of companionship as weakness. However, events of more recent years had led him to differing beliefs in the present. He still didn't believe that being a hopeless romantic would get anyone anywhere, and he still didn't plan to become an overemotional sap anytime in the future. He didn't expect to run his mouth nonstop about trite things just because someone was there to hear him, and he didn't see himself spilling his private thoughts or the secrets of his past left and right.

But still, feelings and companions…he was coming to realize, on his own time, in his own way, their heavy significance.

Hiei didn't reply right away, but that was nothing new – most of the time those he knew would be lucky to receive a reply at all. But this time was different. This time, he was actually attempting to calculate his answer, processing everything she'd said to come up with something decent to say in return. He couldn't believe he was even doing so much as _considering_. He couldn't believe that he was contemplating going beyond even that as an actual _possibility_.

He could hardly entertain the idea that he was _entertaining the idea_ of being open with this girl in any capacity.

Because of all this, when he spoke his tone was as rigid as his frame. "You're an idiot."

"Wh-what?" Her incredulous squawk was enough to make up for some of the trouble she was putting him through. But only some. At the very least, it eased just the slightest amount of his edginess, made it just the slightest amount easier to carry on. And so he did, using the same sharp monotone.

"I treat you no differently than I treat any of the others. If you think otherwise, you're a fool. If I ever single you out, it is only because you're being especially foolish. The same can be said for any of the morons here that I choose to associate with."

He was more than willing to leave it at that. Botan was more than happy with it, if the cringe-worthy sparkle in her eyes was any indication. But some sadistic side of him had apparently decided he hadn't degraded himself quite enough for today, and so the next part, the part he'd decided at the last minute to omit, came out anyway.

"As I said before, I don't hate you. Nor do I dislike you."

The declaration, in his eyes, was so close to affectionate that he could feel the humiliation burn throughout his body. Quickly, he cut his gaze away from hers, sending a dark glower across the expanse of the empty room. Running, at this point, seemed like an entirely viable option. What the hell had he been thinking?

"So…does that make us friends, then?" Her voice was dancing with joy, and in that instant Hiei hated every inch of it. He refused to incriminate himself further.

"Hn. Think what you want."

The statement, cold and filled with all the disdain he could summon, did not have the desired effect. She stood, light on her feet, and soon her tinkling laughter was scratching its way down his ear canal. A split second later she'd moved directly in front of him again, the very same position she'd taken when she'd first entered. And just like that moment, the fire demon could not have been more eager for her to leave as soon as possible.

"You silly thing, you!" She giggled, beaming at him on his perch and moving to encase him in a hug. The black glare he sent her way just before she touched him had her retreating as quickly as she'd drawn near, awkwardly patting his shoulders instead with a hasty, nervous chuckle.

Then she straightened again, happiness still on her face and in her tone; Hiei's look had lessened from its death stare to just generally unwelcoming, but Botan smiled wider anyway at the sight of it. "Well, I'll see you later then, partner!" She winked at him, but he paid no heed to the gesture or the nickname except for a slight flare of irritation. With any luck, such ridiculous little terms wouldn't become the norm; not only would it be severely irksome, but he would surely never hear the end of it if the detective or the oaf heard even one.

Which reminded him. "Wait."

It was not a request, and the reaper turned back obligingly. "What is it?" Benign curiosity colored her tone; this didn't take him long to express at all.

"If you tell _any_one about this conversation…"

The implied threat was obvious, and didn't need to be finished; she'd started to nod her head before he'd even stopped speaking, then abruptly caught herself and turned it into a vigorous shake. "Oh, of course not, I would never! I swear to you, nothing will go beyond this room." She mimed locking her lips and throwing away the key, then swirled towards the door once more, but once more she was stopped.

"Onna."

She spun around on the spot two steps from the doorway, sending yet another bright grin in his direction before answering in an almost singsongy voice that aggravated the hell out of him. "Yes, Hiei?" Her prompt agreement to secrecy had been anticipated, but a solid confirmation had still been necessary. This, however…

…was only fair.

He sounded only a few shades away from mocking. "I like you better when you don't talk."

As expected, her expression quickly formed into a displeased pout, predictably followed by a highly offended rant, but Hiei merely smirked in reply. Soon enough, due to his lack of response, she ended with a huff and stormed off into the hall. The koorime closed his eyes and leaned back against the window frame, pleased with himself over the petty victory as he listened to her stomp all through the temple.

She was still too cheery. She still talked too much. She still spent far too much time on inane things. And she was still tolerable only in small doses – though, admittedly, the dosage may have been increased, if only by the slightest margin. She was still sure to irritate him on a consistent basis.

But…

The fresh knowledge that she cared about him - despite being who she was and how she was – was enough.

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><p>Thoughts? Comments? Praise? Critique? Constructive criticism? Anything is appreciated and loved, as long as it's not pointless bashing! That's why it's called CONSTRUCTIVE, folks. =D How do you think I did with both of their characters? Dialogue? Writingstyle in general? Just shoot me a review, I'm dying to know!

So, you know how I said up there Hiei took over this one? Well I still have tons of ideas buzzing around in my head for how this whole scenario would look from Botan's end…would you guys be interested in seeing that? After that, I think I possibly have ideas for a continuation chapter as well…tell me what you think! =)

Thank you SO MUCH for stopping by and reading, hope you enjoyed! =D

PS – Also PLEEEEEEEEEEASE tell me if you see any typos!


	2. Hers

Okay so first off: yup, this is the incidents of last chapter from Botan's perspective, just like I said. =D I couldn't not write this, my head was/is so full of ideas. So yeah, her part is about six pages longer than Hiei's side of things. What can I say, she's a lot more talkative. X3

But ZOMG this chapter was a total bitch to write. DX I don't really even know why. I mean, whenever I tapped into my inner Botan, things went amazingly well, I was a writing MACHINE. But it was like I had to catch those times quick, and if I didn't start getting things down on paper IMMEDIATELY – oh, too bad, gotta wait til the next time the feeling comes around. Since I'm a busy person, this happened many times. 3X I realize that's how inspiration works and all that, but that wasn't the problem. I knew what I wanted to happen, how she was going to think, etc. But it didn't always come down right. Botan and I just weren't on the same wavelength, dude! I finally ended up having two Word windows open, the one I'd been writing in and a fresh one, side by side, and retyped/redid/edited the whole thing. And now it is so much better. Despite all that, I really do love writing for Botan. XD

ANYWAYS. This chapter is dedicated to four people: my two reviewers and my two favorite-…ers. X3 Elcarim-Soberian-1222 and Shyaway95, it makes me sooooo happy that you liked my story enough to add to your favorites, you don't even know. =)

To Purple: Incredible? That's quite a compliment, I'm glad you liked it! =) Thanks for taking the time to write me, it is GREATLY appreciated!

To ReaperDemon: And even more 'incredibles,' wow! I'm super-happy I pleased such a fan of the pairing! =D Dude dooon't even worry about it, I don't get all crazy about people not liking my ship. =3 Unfortunately mine isn't that common. D= And I have no problem whatsoever with seeing them paired off with someone else – well, obviously. XD I really do love the pairing, I think it has a TON of potential, and is ADORABLE when done right – but that's the thing. In my opinion, the pairing is definitely plausible, but it would take them quite a while to the point where they would even realistically think about each other that way, which is why my story is cruising along at this pace. /lovesdiscussingthesethings

_**ANYWAYS EVERYBODY READ THE NOTE AT THE END WHEN YOU'RE DONE, I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS. HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!**_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho!

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><p>Botan wasn't quite sure <em>when<em> Hiei had disappeared. It seemed like it had only been one second, _two _at most, since she'd last looked over to the doorway on the far end of the room where he'd been lurking for the better part of an hour – but in reality she knew it must have been at least twenty minutes. After all, the last time she'd glanced his way had been just before soundly defeating Kuwabara in three rounds of Street Fighter.

He was mourning his losses now as she turned away from the machine, heading towards the hall just beyond Hiei's doorway, and barely made it two steps when Yusuke's voice stopped her in her tracks. "Hey, Botan, I thought I played winner! You do know that's how a tournament works, right?"

Half a second passed until she flashed a grin over her shoulder at the two boys standing near the arcade game, both watching her expectantly. Kuwabara looked no different than usual, but Yusuke had his hands planted on his hips in a way that struck her as particularly girly; she stowed the information away to tease him about later. Letting out a laugh that might have been a bit too loud, the ferry girl rushed through an airy excuse she hadn't really taken the time to plan. "Dreadfully sorry, Yusuke, but I _just_ remembered something _absolutely_ urgent I have to take care of, Reikai business, you know how it is. Why don't you play Kuwabara instead?"

Without waiting for an answer, Botan turned and dashed out of the room to the sound of the former spirit detective calling after her. "You're supposed to be on vacation! Besides, I can't play _Kuwabara_, he's the _loser!_"

"Just because I lost a few times doesn't mean I can't still take _you_ down, Urameshi!"

"Yeah, yeah, come back when you stop losing to girls."

"What was that?"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, _ladies_. I'll play you, dimwit."

"Just bring it on, Grandma!"

Their argument carried through the air until she'd rounded a corner wherein it became mostly unintelligible, and here she stopped to gather her thoughts. She'd just acted primarily without thinking, but now she didn't know what she was doing.

Well, alright, she admitted to herself, she knew exactly what she was doing – or trying to do, anyway. What she didn't know what how to go about it. And 'it,' of course, was Hiei. How did one go about anything with him? Botan drew her lower lip between her teeth, chewing on it nervously. What she _should_ do was confront him the same way she would confront anyone else, but she was unsure how successful such an approach would be – and past that, she didn't want to chance alienating him any further.

Not that this wasn't entirely his fault to begin with. Frustration pulsed through her, and she resisted the highly immature urge to kick the nearby wall. It was always this way with him; she fluctuated between insecurity and exasperation so fast it sometimes made her head spin, increasingly so now that she'd finally decided to do something about it. She didn't like feeling either of those things, especially with someone who was _supposed_ to be on their side.

It wasn't anything she'd had to think about in quite a long while – fifteen months, to be precise – but the instant she saw him, consequently trying and failing to engage him in friendly conversation, it was as if no time had passed at all. He was the same moody little _punk_. She knew that was an oversimplification, and that Hiei would be less than pleased to hear himself described as such, but she'd come to the conclusion that she didn't care at all. If he was going to act _that_ way, he deserved to be called names!

But she did care, of course. They'd never been close by any definition of the term, but she still felt a certain connection with him just as she did with everyone else: being on the same team, working together for so long. And she was well aware that he wasn't the cold, heartless demon that his usual attitude suggested. He wasn't secretly a big cuddly teddy bear or anything like that either, she knew; no one in their right mind could possibly claim such a thing. Though the visual was rather amusing.

Still, he did have a heart buried in there, Botan had seen evidence of it on more than one occasion; that was what made this situation all the more frustrating. _None_ of it was ever directed towards _her_. Wording things like that, it all sounded incredibly selfish, and for a moment the ferry girl was ashamed. But…but for goodness' _sake_, he acknowledged _Kuwabara_ more than he'd ever done for her, and _everyone_ knew what _that_ relationship was like.

Did he really hate her so much…? This wasn't the first time she'd worried over the possibility, and looking over the facts it certainly seemed like a valid one. She wasn't stupid, she knew she got on his nerves – but so did everyone else, Yukina being the sole exception. Did that mean she was somehow worse?

It didn't matter. None of it mattered! Botan slapped herself lightly on both cheeks a few times for motivation, then started moving again. If there was one thing the reaper prided herself on – besides ferrying souls excellently, though that went without saying – it was her ability to maintain and nurture her friendships. And she was determined to do so for this one…even if it might have been just one-sided.

A few paces later she stopped again, realizing she had no idea where she was going. There was no way of knowing just where the Jaganshi had run off to, especially when he had potentially twenty minutes on her. Maybe he'd gone outside. Maybe he'd left the grounds altogether. Maybe he'd fled Ningenkai completely; it certainly wasn't his favorite place to be. Frankly, she was rather shocked he'd still been here at all.

No one had imagined it would be very difficult to get him to show up in the first place – Kurama did have a way with the stubborn demon – what astounded them was the fact that he hadn't taken off once he'd realized the true nature of this little shindig. So it was assumed (but never asked) that there had to be an underlying reason for him to stay.

But perhaps in the end, he _had_ changed his mind, decided it was too much of a hassle. The combination of their fairly large group and the koorime's dislike of crowds wasn't a very good one, after all; it wasn't so far-fetched to assume that he'd finally gotten sick of it.

…except for Yukina.

No. Hiei couldn't have left. Regardless of whatever reasons he had for keeping his identity a secret, it was clear to her that he liked to be with his sister. And the girl in question had been overjoyed at his return, even though he'd brought with him no fresh news from the supposed "search" for her brother. Looking at it that way, he _wouldn't_ leave. Botan was sure of it.

Back to business, then.

…at least he actually _talked_ to Yukina. It was almost surprising, because he couldn't even move his mouth when _she_ tried to speak with him, the death deity thought childishly. Not five minutes had passed and her attitude had already made a reappearance.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't a very fair thought. She almost felt bad for thinking it now. It was his _sister_, after all, his once long-lost sister.

Only it wasn't _just_ the ice maiden. For the past three days, practically since they'd all arrived here, Botan had been keeping a particularly close eye on the things that Hiei did – at least, when it didn't seem too suspicious of her – and now she was absolutely certain of herself. In all that time, Hiei had taken the opportunity to speak to every single person staying in this temple at least once. Everyone – except for her. Never her.

It wasn't an exaggeration. He talked to Kurama, of course, that was no surprise; Botan thought that the kitsune was probably the person who knew the most about Hiei in the whole world. If there was anyone the koorime would call a best friend, and if he was actually the kind of person who used phrases like 'best friend,' Kurama would most definitely earn the title. And obviously, Yukina didn't need to be factored in.

But. But it wasn't just them. From Yusuke to Shizuru, the fire demon had come up with something to say to every last one of them whose name wasn't Botan. _Heavens_, he'd spoken to _Koenma_, who had just come by to visit for the very first time _yesterday!_ The man had been around for just _four hours_, and yet he'd gotten _four words!_ True, those words had been "mind your own business," but that wasn't the point! They were still words! She only wished she could be so lucky!

It was rather pitiful, she recognized, anger deflating. _She_ was rather pitiful. During their stay here, all she'd ever received from the fire demon for her endeavors were those ridiculous grunts of his – _grunts!_ – and even those were used sparingly. Did it really mirror how he felt about her? Did he think she was barely worth the effort of a single noise, let alone speech? Hn. _Hn._ She softly mocked the effect out loud to herself a few times, deepening her voice as far as it could go, then put her foot down – literally _and_ metaphorically.

_Time to stop feeling sorry for myself._ At last, the bluenette pushed herself off of the wall she'd taken to reclining against amidst her ponderings, then began moving down the hallway at a steady clip. Standing here all day wouldn't accomplish anything, and she already knew what she had to do; it was purely an issue of doing it. No matter what.

As she paced the halls, checking every room she passed, Botan thought once again on how relieved she was that Kurama wasn't around to catch her doing this, having accompanied Yukina and Keiko to the grocery store. She'd been invited to come along, but had declined, seizing onto the chance of greater stealth when there were fewer people around. Had he still been here, the redhead surely would have realized her intentions immediately, even if he wasn't aware of the motives behind them – something she was afraid he would feel the need to discuss. She was already a little paranoid that he might have noticed her increased awareness of Hiei, and didn't want to know if the feeling was founded.

The ferry girl wasn't really sure why she felt the need to sneak around so much, other than…well, she had a feeling that the Jaganshi would be even less receptive than he was already prone to being if everyone and their sister knew what she was up to. This was just between the two of them, anyways – privacy was unquestionably necessary. And so, despite how desperately appreciated his advice would have been, telling Kurama was not an option.

Another empty room. The death deity frowned. That was at least the tenth or eleventh room now, and each one had been just as deserted as the last. What made her think he had remained inside, anyway? Would it be better to move to the grounds? For all she knew, he could be sitting in a tree somewhere on the outskirts of the sprawling property. For that matter, how could she be so sure that he would let himself be found? If he wanted to, he could avoid her endlessly; she certainly didn't have the perception to –

Wait.

The reaper paused, a bit belatedly, then slowly backpedaled. This door. This door was closed, when every other door she'd come across had been wide open. It didn't necessarily mean he was inside, though. Really, the room could have been anything. It could have been Genkai's room. It could have been a meditation room. It could have been the restroom, could have been filled with some type of delicate equipment that under no circumstances could be disturbed – oh, honestly, if she was playing the 'could-have-been' game, it "could have been" stuffed to the brim with pancakes and rainbow ponies. There was only one way to find out.

Botan opened the door.

He was inside.

She froze.

Suddenly she realized she hadn't thought this through at all. She had nothing prepared. No miraculous speech was coming to mind that perfectly explained everything she wanted to say and made Hiei understand, leaving him no choice but to yield to her brilliant logic. Then he would apologize for being an insensitive, grunting jerk in that roundabout way of his and things would be just fine, sunshine and daisies and –

_Oh, get a hold of yourself, Botan!_

She snapped out of it. Hiei hadn't moved at all since her appearance, but of course he knew she was there; she wasn't foolish enough to think otherwise. All it meant was that now she couldn't run away, even if she wanted to. And…she didn't want to! She was here on a _mission!_ She had something to say!

Nodding to herself, clinging to that mantra, the bluenette strode across the room with purpose, but her steps faltered to a nervous little shuffle before she'd even reached the koorime. By the time she'd stopped an arm's length away from him – perched in the window, naturally – all of the uncertainty she'd ever felt about this situation had gathered in the pit of her stomach. Unconsciously, her hands sought each other out, and she clenched them tightly, almost painfully, together. Her entire frame was taut with apprehension.

Several silent seconds ticked by as she watched him, stared at his closed eyes, waiting, waiting…

It didn't take her long to grasp that waiting would get her nowhere; if she did nothing but stand here, he was never going to acknowledge her presence. Coming to this understanding awakened just enough indignation that she managed to find her voice – however frustratingly quiet it was – but what spilled out hadn't been her intended opening statement.

"Why do you hate me?"

Yet there it was anyway, too late to take back. The million-dollar question. The one that every other bit of worry ultimately stemmed from, something she'd planned to ask later in the envisioned conversation – not so soon, not so bluntly. No sense crying over spilled milk, she supposed, though her suddenly racing heart told a different story.

When he opened his eyes (_finally_) to look at her, she couldn't restrain an involuntary flinch, and immediately chastised herself for the action. _For heaven's sake, he's not going to bite your head off._ But the thought was a little bit difficult to believe, since that risk was exactly what concerned her – figuratively, of course. She studied his expression, searching for anything that might give her even the smallest idea as to what he was thinking, but of course it was useless. To an untrained eye, Hiei looked wholly unaffected.

Seconds dragged on into minutes, and Botan was abruptly seized by the notion that he simply _wasn't_ planning to reply. Such inaction would undeniably hold true to the way he'd received her on this trip so far – which was to say, not at all – and the fire demon was nothing if not consistent. And, if anything, not answering was an answer in and of itself. Because surely even Hiei would move to deny an accusation like that…unless it was accurate.

Fear blossomed rapidly at the potential validation of her long-held theory, one that she didn't want to be true. She wished he would just _answer_ her, really _answer_ her, and not leave her with this depressing conclusion. No, she wouldn't let him! A strong urging word or three rested on the tip of her tongue, only her tongue had gotten twisted and refused to form them. Her resolve was still burning along steadily inside of her, but the confidence to act upon it decisively had dwindled away in the face of his cool indifference.

Just when she felt at her absolute lowest, the lowest of the low, lower than the worms, Hiei decided to put forth his input – just two words, two inflectionless words, the first two words he'd spoken to her in over a year, but the _best_ two words he'd spoken to her since they'd met.

"I don't."

Botan couldn't help but snap to attention, losing some of her rigidity as she became more alert. Tilting her head, the shinigami stared at him in undisguised astonishment, even though he wasn't looking at her anymore. The long-awaited counter to all of her concerns was a bit hard to wrap her thoughts around; she didn't want him to change his mind, but she had to make sure. "You…don't?"

"No. I don't." Now he sounded annoyed, but coming from him it was so common that she wasn't fazed in the slightest; what mattered was the confirmation that came with it. The death deity wanted to jump up and down a little, except it wouldn't be very becoming in the middle of such a serious conversation, and she wasn't done with him yet. Staying in his good favor (well, good by Hiei standards) was crucial.

Her next question slipped past her lips almost without consent, but she wouldn't lie and say that she wasn't interested, probably embarrassingly so, in hearing the answer.

"…why?"

The positive turn things were taking hadn't quite sunk in, but it was coming along; she felt the beginnings of a smile curving her lips, energy developing even further into an urge to dance around the room in celebration over something that, with anyone else, would have been seen as a minor achievement. But with Hiei, not being hated looked considerably more impressive.

Until he shot all of her hopes back down.

"Hating you would require too much effort. A waste of my time and energy."

The smile she'd only just been wearing flickered, then faded, dragging downwards instead – and taking her enthusiasm with it. Her fingers, dangling by her sides, flexed outwards for an instant before curling around the material of her kimono as she processed his words.

Just as she'd thought…in a way. The details were somewhat different, but it all equaled the same thing. So he didn't hate her. He just couldn't be bothered to care about her in any manner whatsoever. Somehow, the reality had turned out to be worse than anything she'd ever imagined.

_Too much effort. A waste._ Hadn't she thought something so very similar, not fifteen minutes ago in hallway? All of a sudden, Botan hated being right, hated that she was _ever_ right. What was she supposed to say to that? What could he _possibly_ expect her to say to that? A slap to the face would have been kinder than that, and still he wasn't even looking at her.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, the reaper knew that she shouldn't be _just_ upset, she should be furious with him, but she couldn't summon it up. She was still too stunned, still too hurt, and the anger was buried beneath all that, not ready to emerge. Even in her most dejected moments of picturing this as the outcome, she hadn't believed it would feel quite this terrible. But…her friends meant everything. And he _was_ her friend.

She had to say something. How long had she been standing here now, miserable? More than a few seconds. More than a few minutes, even. She still had to stay something. Despite how utterly _final_ those words had sounded, there had to be a way to redeem the situation, if only she could come up with an appropriate response.

Except she couldn't. Her normally buzzing mind was at a standstill. Eventually, she used what little her thoughts seemed capable of supplying, words that were entirely inconsequential, just to break the unbearable silence and maybe give her brain a kick-start.

"Oh, I see…"

The ferry girl hadn't fully expected him to reply – so when he did so without delay, and in such a biting tone to boot, it was doubly surprising. With a jerk, her slightly bowed head rose back up, catching his eyes again at last, and she didn't know how to react. He was practically glaring at her. But what did _he _have to be so bothered about? _He_ wasn't the one who'd just had a bombshell dropped on his head. Perfectly justified anger was finally starting to simmer just beneath the surface, but something was making her hesitate, holding her back from seizing onto it. What on Earth was wrong with her?

The other extreme was to dissolve into a big, blubbering mess, and that was so far out of the question it wasn't even on the test. It left the shinigami no choice but to simply put on her best face and venture forward, the only safe option. Unfortunately, the smile she offered wound up rather lacking, but at least she _sounded_ convincingly upbeat. Or so she'd thought. "Why, Hiei, I'm sure I don't know what you're t-"

"I don't like being lied to." Abruptly his unwavering stare had gone from irritable to downright _cross_, and for a moment Botan wondered why she'd tried that. Of _course_ Hiei would see right through her, even if she'd been putting on the best act in the world (which she hadn't), and of _course_ he didn't have the courtesy to humor her and leave the matter alone. It had been a doomed attempt all along.

But what right did he have to call her out, anyway?

That simmering anger was beginning to bubble now, but still it wouldn't rise. He was the one responsible for all of this. He was the one who'd essentially told her that she wasn't worth his time, that dealing with her was a waste, and then he had the gall to reprimand her for _lying?_ Why did he even want to know any of this if she was _so_ unimportant?

It wasn't fair. Fixing their relationship was all she'd wanted, was it really so awful to want? Botan didn't think so. There just had to be a way. She thought hard, optimism inexplicably lifting its head once more despite the weight pressing down on her. Maybe the fact that he was even interested in her problem was a sign that he wasn't as apathetic as he believed. Or – maybe…it just meant that he was aiming to shatter any remaining illusions she had about the possibility of friendship.

She was fluctuating again. Even now, under these circumstances, he couldn't just let her settle on one feeling for him at any given time, couldn't make things _simple_. Then it hit her.

The reason behind her inability to express herself, to think clearly.

Why she was taking every single blow so hard, rather than in stride or at least with some perspective.

When was the last time she had been rejected so thoroughly? Never, she realized. Never before had she been forced to reevaluate precisely where she stood with someone time and again, to second-guess her own thoughts and actions to this extreme. Due to her welcoming personality and sunny disposition, making friends of all kinds came easily to her, and – as embarrassingly self-centered as it sounded – she'd never expected a situation to arise where that wouldn't be the case. Hiei was constantly breaking the rules.

It certainly wasn't as though she didn't take her friendships seriously, or took any of them for granted. She worked hard, and really did pride herself on keeping them up. Naturally, times still arose when someone would get upset, and arguments would occur; it happened in all friendships. But a compromise or solution was always reached eventually, and things went back to normal. And that was the kicker.

Hiei was the first person she'd ever been honestly afraid of losing. With him, there was no assurance that no matter how badly they fought, at the end of the day he would still be around. It was why she was finding it so difficult to cut loose and yell at him for all things she wanted to. Because what if he just left? What if he decided he'd had enough and just left? No close bond had yet been forged between the two of them to let her know that he would come back, that they would be okay – and knowing how he could be, if things went sour now there was a very good chance that she might never see him again.

That it bothered her quite this much, the notion of the koorime being gone, actually came as a surprise to the ferry girl. Truthfully, in spite of the kinship she felt with him for their shared experiences and the good things he'd done, they didn't know each other all that well. But the feeling was there regardless, and dwelling on it served no purpose; all that mattered was that it _was_.

Understanding and coming to grips with her own behavior helped immensely, and Botan could feel a bit of the old confidence returning. Things had to get down and dirty before they could get better. There was nothing for it but to take the leap. _No more beating around the bush._ She held his gaze more or less evenly as she spoke.

"It's just…I suppose I thought that by now you might think more of me. After all this time, everything we've all been through together, I'd hoped your opinion of me would have improved, even a little bit."

Putting conviction back into her words took a few hesitant moments, but halfway through she was picking up steam. Botan paused for an instant after that first thought, a simple idea forming to punctuate her forthcoming statement. The Jaganshi either hadn't noticed or didn't dwell on the momentary absence of speech, so she carried on quickly, executing her plan of attack just seconds later.

It paid off.

"I mean, I try, I really do! I do my very best to make things better between us, but it doesn't work if you don't try as w- AH-HA!" As she talked, the ferry girl had moved to sit beside her companion on the windowsill without missing a beat, eyes trained on his face, his figure – and there it was. Exactly what she'd been looking for: muscles suddenly tightening. She had to grin, a real one this time, at the thrill of victory – though she couldn't deny the sense of smugness that came along as she shoved her index finger towards him. "Like that! Right there! You see? You tensed up the _very second_ I sat beside you! _The second!_ It's always something! Why is that?"

But she couldn't allow him time to answer, even as she heard his intake of breath for the start of one – doing so could give him the opportunity to catch on to what she'd done, and more importantly she could lose her momentum, the righteous anger that had made its way up at long last. Her voice rose, just a little.

"Really, Hiei, we've known each other for _five years,_ I expected our relationship to be stronger by now – yes, I know how hard it is for you to let people in, don't give me that look" – the minute shift of his eyebrows had caught her attention (and why wouldn't it? He so rarely changed his expression, the tiniest moved seemed like a big red flashing light) and she knew exactly what it meant – "– but _I'm_ the one you shut out the most, the _only_ one you _completely_ shut out, truly! Three days we've been here, and I don't think you've spoken one word to me until now!"

Though she wasn't clear on the details of his past, what she did know made it obvious that he hadn't had it easy. A past like that left marks in more ways than one; he wasn't _just_ a disagreeable loner.

But this only barely crossed her mind now; if had been a spur-of-the-moment exclamation. Right now, she was too busy working herself up, fists slamming with barely enough restraint into her lap when it was really the fire demon to her left she wanted to hit, just once. Not a very grown-up urge, but her frustration had been around since long before this vacation, which so far had only served to amplify it. Letting go like this was almost therapeutic, despite the possible ramifications. "Hn. That's all you've said to me, did you know that? And that's not even saying _anything!_ That's a noise! A sound! A…a _grunt! Hn!_"

"Hiei! Are you even listening to me!" He blinked once, and something about the way his gaze landed on her afterwards felt like proof of her suspicion. The shinigami drew in a deep, deep breath, but instead of continuing to rant as she'd originally intended, redirected the air into an overdramatic exhalation. All at once it didn't matter anymore. Her emotions had come full circle; now that she'd had a chance to chew him out, express what she'd needed to, the anger was slowly dissipating, leaving in its wake only her initial desire to repair something that may have never been whole in the first place.

But then, it had never been about _repair_, had it?

They were building from the ground up.

The death deity looked away from him, crossing her arms, and said her final piece. "Well, what it all comes down to is…really wishing I could change your mind about me. I do think of you as my friend, you know, even if you don't think the same. But I wish you would."

There. Wearing a smile several times more heartfelt than either that had come before it, Botan glanced back at him, ready if still a little afraid to hear what he thought, willing to give him all the time in the world if it meant a better answer – in spite of her growing restlessness.

And it was a good thing, too: while there was little else she could glean from him, she got a certain sense that the fire demon wasn't simply sitting there and ignoring her. He was going to answer, she was positive. Until then, her only course of action was to keep up what she was already doing – being patient and hoping that this would be enough.

The fact that he was apparently thinking so deeply on his response just _had_ to be a good thing, right? Otherwise he wouldn't waste his time. Right? The bluenette wanted to believe that whole-heartedly, but couldn't quite trust it. This revelation was fairly startling; in this capacity, Botan didn't trust Hiei – _couldn't_ trust him, until she'd been given reason to change her mind. Trust was an important, delicate thing, she was well aware – but the majority of the time, she still handed it out like candy. And in many other areas, she _did_ trust the koorime. Just not this one. She didn't like doubting him, didn't like doubting the people around her in general, but it was what it was.

And it wasn't that she had no secrets, or felt perfectly secure in sharing every inch of her heart and mind with just anyone – as a matter of fact, she still hadn't found a single person that she felt free to divulge absolutely _every_thing to. But that didn't mean that she wasn't pretty darn open about a lot of things to a lot of people, or that she thought no one would be willing to listen if she dug ultra-deep.

But she tried to hold onto that feeling, that discomfort with exposing the most intimate parts of herself, as a reference for how Hiei had to feel most of the time, for most things, with most of the people he knew. And it made her sad for him. Maybe it sounded silly, but she wanted to be there for him, even if he already had Kurama to fill that role – and possibly Mukuro too, if what the kitsune seemed to believe was correct, which it usually was. But one more person couldn't hurt, could it? It could only be a good thing for him. If she was being too pushy…

…Botan decided she didn't care.

A subtle movement drew her eyes back to the fire demon in question just in time for his first thought, and she braced herself. "You're an idiot."

"Wh-what?" The mortifying screech was out before she could even begin to put a stop to it, and she stared at him wide-eyed. No one could possibly argue that it was unusual for him to insult her, but here and now it was the last thing she'd expected. She was too thrown to be affronted, and he left no moment for the feeling to develop.

"I treat you no differently than I treat any of the others. If you think otherwise, you're a fool. If I ever single you out, it is only because you're being especially foolish. The same can be said for any of the morons here that I choose to associate with."

His tone, anything but warm and inviting, fell on deaf ears in light of what he was using it to convey; with every deceptively harsh-sounding word in what was a veritable speech for him, the bluenette could feel her spirits lifting. It was kindness cloaked in callousness, the only type of kindness she'd ever known him to show – and the very same that he'd used earlier. How could she have overlooked it?

"As I said before, I don't hate you. Nor do I dislike you."

This was the first time she'd heard him so candid, though it had brought on a glare that he was now sweeping the room with – over anything but her. There hadn't been any cause for concern at all. He "didn't dislike" her. She beamed. What he'd said before really had just been another example of a side that he so rarely revealed, if perhaps expressed in a way that lacked in any tact or sense of manners whatsoever. But it was nothing unforgivable.

"So…does that make us friends, then?" She knew her unmasked delight would bother him, but she couldn't contain it – and was proven to be absolutely right. His glare seemed to darken, even if he still refused to look at her. What he said in return was positively icy.

"Hn. Think what you want."

His aura, his entire _being_ had begun radiating hostility, but for once Botan could read him perfectly: the standoffish, cross old boy had gone and embarrassed himself, and now he was raising his hackles. Out of nowhere, she was struck with the thought that Hiei reminded her of a cat; the comparison was unbelievably fitting. He certainly had the disdain down pat, the sense of entitlement and superiority. He spent a good deal of time in trees and other high places. He even owned a pair of sharp, angled eyes. The not-so-grim reaper couldn't stifle the laughter that rose up in her throat as she got to her feet, claiming her initial spot right in front of him – though the circumstances of then versus now were a world away.

The sense of relief, of utter joy that things had all worked out for the best was simply too much to keep to herself; the death deity released another laugh. "You silly thing, you!"

She moved to throw her arms around the little darling in a moment of unthinking affection; it was just as she was about to capture his frame and pull it against hers that he turned his head, fixing her with a look that promised swift retribution if she continued. And she remembered anew that he wasn't really all that cuddly. Tittering altogether too loudly, the ferry girl switched the gesture to a few hasty shoulder pats in an unconvincing attempt to pretend it had been her true goal all along before drawing back up.

Her smile had yet to dim in the slightest, and showed no signs of doing so anytime soon. Because this was just Hiei. The unfriendly look on his face, the moodiness, the low tolerance for anything that annoyed him – all of it was so typically Hiei that it made her want to hug him all over again. But she didn't, of course; it was almost, but not quite worth whatever punishment he would dish out. And she had no doubts that he _would_ dish one out.

Still, none of this stopped her from winking at him in an extremely over-exaggerated fashion, nor from slapping an endearment onto her parting words while she stepped back. "Well, I'll see you later then, partner" She wouldn't have minded sticking around a while longer now that they were on good terms, but with Hiei, taking things one step at a time seemed liked the best idea. Her mind was already churning for how best to bring the next step about in the coming days.

However, she'd hardly had the chance to turn around before the koorime spoke up behind her. "Wait."

Immediately Botan faced him again, wondering what more he'd come up with to say. "What is it?"

"If you tell _any_one about this conversation…" The undercurrent of a threat ran evidently through the words, one that the shinigami only vaguely identified; she stopped him short as soon as she'd gathered on the nature of his warning by nodding in agreement, changing it to a shake of the head seconds later when she realized it would be more appropriate. She'd expected something like this, after all – had already been planning on it – and took no offense.

"Oh, of course not, I would never! I swear to you, nothing will go beyond this room." Just for good measure, the reaper turned an invisible key against her mouth and tossed it over her shoulder, so he could rest extra-assured.

Things would be easier for him like this, and she was a fan of anything that didn't serve to drive him away. Another feline characteristic, it occurred to her suddenly: he was rather like a skittish cat one had to approach very carefully. If you treated it the wrong way, it would disappear. Botan resolved to never mention these private observations to him – a strong hunch told her that this was likely to be one of those things that would make him disappear. Not that she had ever intended to tell him, anyways.

The bluenette whirled about on her heel, heading towards the open door until –

"Onna."

– she spun his way once more, spontaneously singing her inquiry this time, more curious than ever. "Yes, Hiei?"

An instant's pause, if that.

"I like you better when you don't talk." Well, there was no other way to take _that_ statement _but_ in offense. And she did. Botan frowned, lips pursing and eyebrows drawing together disapprovingly at the taunt, taking the bait even as it dawned on her that it was bait.

In the end, the thorough scolding she gave him got her nowhere except more irritated, finishing as she stomped out of the room and away from his self-satisfied smirk with an "_Honestly_, sometimes you are just as _impossible_ as _Yusuke!_ Hmph!"

She kept up that frame of mind for several more minutes of stomping, but it didn't last long, her footsteps lightening along with her mood before she was halfway to her destination. The primarily one-sided dispute had left her mainly exasperated over anything else, because arguing with Hiei could be a lot like arguing with no one when he was feeling uncooperative – and Botan only got into her best tizzies when she could work off of her opponent's comebacks. Hiei usually operated outside of that playing field – he was fully capable of making her capital-M _Mad_ without a single word – but right now she was feeling much too fond of him for things to devolve into that.

Once any last remnants of aggravation had faded, Botan slowed her pace and began to consider the koorime's words more seriously. They'd meant to provoke (and had succeeded), but some truth lay within them nonetheless. Hiei had to be the most uncommunicative person she'd ever met, so having long, meaningful conversations was a no-go – which was a shame, because in her experience long, meaningful conversations were the best way to build bridges between people. Except that wasn't too plausible in this case.

She hoped for him to eventually grow comfortable enough to discuss things more freely with her, but how to reach that point? He was generally uninterested in any and all of the activities that she could possibly think up for them to do together, so that wouldn't work either…

The shinigami wished once again that she could ask for Kurama's help on the matter, but that would mean explaining the situation, and _that_ would mean breaking her promise, which she would do under no circumstances. Friendships didn't hold up very well under shattered trust.

So far her thoughts had gone around and around in circles, leading her back to exactly what she'd started with: a big fat nothing. The ferry girl lifted a fist to her mouth, gnawing on her thumbnail a bit as she debated over what to do next. All of her contemplation had brought her to a stop a few turns away from the large room where Yusuke, Kuwabara and Genkai had presumably stayed after she'd run off; 'presumably' changed into 'definitely' as the sound of the former's shouts echoed loudly down the halls moments later. She lingered where she was, not quite ready to abandon her dilemma for later.

Certainly, the fire demon wasn't unreachable; proof of that was all around her, present in the form of Yukina and Kurama – and even some of the others, like Yusuke. _And what, precisely, do _they_ do?_ She suddenly wondered, grasping onto the slivers of a revelation. They didn't make grand gestures. They didn't push to make things happen, or strive for anything at all. Perhaps the solution to this was less complicated than she was expecting it to be.

…perhaps…

…being there for him was as simple as just _being_ there for him, with him…and letting things progress naturally from there. It wasn't an unreasonable idea.

She would give it a try.

Having a concept to work with was more than enough, and put a newly determined spring into her step as she headed back towards the group. A friendship wasn't worth a thing if you weren't willing to put in the necessary time and effort to make it last.

Botan was more than willing.

* * *

><p>OMGGGGGGG DONE YAY. =D<p>

Now, important stuff to say here, story-wise.

Obviously, I've decided to continue, but it's not just this chapter. I have a LOT of ideas for this story, tons of which I've just had to write down certain scenes from future chapters while I was in the process of writing this one so I wouldn't lose the vision, and I am loving doing this. =D

Now if you've looked at my profile, you will know I've had issues in the past with updates. )= This is mainly because I am very critical of my own work, and will scrutinize it to death, and won't want to put it up if I don't think it's good enough. But I'm working really hard already to not do that with this story. I'm also hoping to combat this problem by looking at each chapter of this as self-contained, though of course it has an advancing plot, and by not stretching one scene past a single chapter unless it really calls for it or is super-long. Like, freakishly long.

So far I'm going amazingly well though – I don't think I've ever been constantly writing so much for a story, and jumping around to different points to write scenes that won't happen for chapters, etc, etc. One thing that you guys can do to help is review; reading them over and over will kick my butt into gear, and they always make me really happy to see. =) However, although they are a goal of mine, they are not required. I will post each chapter as soon as I'm finished writing it and I have access to my laptop and my internet, regardless of reviews. But they do help, and make me feel super-good. =) And as I said last time, knowing what I'm doing wrong/right is always important!

One last thing: So far, I plan to write two chapters for each scene – one from Hiei's perspective, and one from Botan's. They might not always go in the pattern, as in H-B, H-B, H-B, because depending on how I feel I might be more inclined towards one more than the other at a given time – either that, or there may be certain things I want to reveal first/last that would only come from one of the character's side. So it might go H-B-B-H or B-H-H-B or whatever. You know? So…is it alright, doing the chapters like that? I mean, are you entertained? It's not boring reading this, knowing you've read all of the dialogue parts and such in the previous chapter? Let me know!

Well, um, that's all. o.o Please read, review and enjoy this and future chapters! =)

And, um, I'm sorry my author's notes have been so freakishly long for both of these. I'm fairly certain that this won't happen every chapter. O.O I JUST LIKE EXPLAINING THINGS OKAY.


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